Diamond Spur Read online

  “Go ahead, Kate,” he invited wryly. “Give me hell. God knows, I deserve it.”

  She really glared at him. Did he have to go and steal her thunder? She had to force down a smile. He was doing to her what she’d always done to him when he was in a temper.

  “You said our marriage was a mistake. You said…”

  “I know.” He looked at her quietly, with eyes that saw her differently now. “I’ve had some hard lessons since I left here. I’ve learned a lot of things about myself that I don’t like.”

  She looked up, stunned. That was new. “Did you?” she asked, her hands hesitating on the pattern.

  “Guess what, Kate. I’m human.”

  She had to fight down a smile. “Are you, really?”

  He pursed his lips amusedly. “I suppose you knew it all along, but I had to learn it the hard way.”

  He took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it, careful to leave the door open so that he wouldn’t irritate her lungs. If she was pregnant, the smoke might harm her.

  “Were you in Arizona all that time?”

  He nodded. “Getting to know my mother, all over again.”

  “I’m glad about that. But I guess you couldn’t spare the time to let the rest of your family know you hadn’t died in a wreck or something,” she added coolly.

  His eyebrows levered up. “I wasn’t sure you wanted to hear from me.” His dark eyes wandered over her. “You were pretty hot when I left. You hurt my pride, but I guess I didn’t do yours much good, either.”

  “And that’s a fact, you cold-blooded snake,” she tossed right back. “You accused me of letting my career come before anything, even our baby.”

  He didn’t even lose his temper at the name-calling. That alone was unlike Kate, and if she was pregnant, her emotions would probably reflect it just that way. He smiled at her. “And you knew all along I didn’t mean it,” he replied. “You always had an uncanny knack for reading my mind.” He took a long draw from the cigarette. “Anyway, I didn’t mean that about the baby. We’ll have another one someday, Kate. And a new baby would heal almost all of the old wounds.”

  He was fishing, but she wouldn’t take the bait. “Well, if I ever get that way, you’ll never know until I look like Moby Dick and you can see it. I won’t tell you,” she said curtly. “You’d tie me up and lock me in my room for nine months. Then if anything went wrong, you’d say it was my fault. That I’d put the baby at risk for the sake of my career.”

  She sounded calm, but her hands were trembling. “No, I wouldn’t,” he said.

  She picked up her scissors and started cutting out fabric, her movements quick and deft. “I like your mother,” she said to ease the tension.

  “So do I.” He studied the cigarette. “I told her that we wanted her to stay, for a little while,” he said gently. “And despite what I said about our marriage being a mistake, I don’t want it to end.”

  She looked up with eyes that were dark green, softening. “I don’t, either,” she said gently. “I’ve never wanted that.”

  That was encouraging. He searched her eyes quietly. “We can always start over again. One more time,” he added dryly. She was still hesitating, and he wondered if she was afraid he might want her to sleep with him. She might be afraid of risking the baby, and so was he, suddenly. He frowned. “You don’t have to sleep with me,” he added.

  She bit her lower lip. “Oh, Jason,” she murmured huskily.

  “I’m not the world’s most lovable man. I never pretended to be.” He let his eyes run down her body with pure possession. He looked at the polished wooden floor instead of at her. “Kate, I’ve had to be strong all my life. I’ve never bent, because I was afraid of breaking. So I kept it all inside. I hid my feelings, and my fears, and I never let them show.” He looked at her warmly. “But when I saw my mother, and heard her talk about those reasons you said she’d have had for leaving, I got my mind together again. I’m still going to find it hard going for a while, to let the last barrier down. But I think I can, now.”

  She was still wary of him, but he was telling her things he never had before. She touched the cloth gently, tracing the brocade with a slender, pink-nailed finger.

  She dropped her eyes to the cloth. “This will only take about an hour,” she said. “But I think your mother will like it. She has an elevated sense of touch, because of her blindness. She’ll like the feel of the satin.”

  How like Kate to think of that. God, how he loved her! He moved toward her, his heart full and aching.

  “She’ll like it,” he said quietly. “But don’t wear yourself out, honey.”

  His concern touched her. She stared at his shirt front. “I won’t.”

  He touched her cheek gently. “Got a kiss for a bad-tempered, tired husband?” he asked only half jokingly.

  She hesitated, but after a minute, she moved, surprising him by reaching up to touch her lips softly, shyly to his.

  He stopped breathing. She hung there, so close yet so far away, and something in him snapped.

  “Kate,” he whispered huskily.

  She saw the hunger burn in his eyes, and for one long moment she managed to deny herself the pleasure of his body. But she wanted him so. She reached up, feeling the shock of his arms coming around her, waiting for his mouth, her lips parted and pleading.

  “It’s been so long,” he said, and his mouth covered hers.

  She felt him lift her. He held her so close that his hard chest bruised her swollen breasts, but she was touching heaven and she couldn’t complain. Her mouth answered his, echoing its long, sweet pressure, drinking in the magic and mystery that they shared.

  He let her slide down his body after a minute, and he actually laughed at his own body’s helpless, immediate reaction to the smooth brush of her belly.

  “Damn,” he chuckled.

  She flushed. “Stop that,” she mumbled.

  He grinned. “I’m sorry, honey, but I can’t do much about it,” he said softly. “It’s as natural as breathing, under the circumstances.”

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake, I don’t mean that…!” She colored even more and hid her face against him. “Jason Everett Donavan,” she murmured wearily.

  He smoothed her long hair, loving its silkiness. “Don’t stay up here too long,” he said, his breath stirring it. “We’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

  “I got you something,” she said shyly. She had, too. A new watch that did everything, like the one she’d noticed that he’d worn for the past several years without getting a new one.

  “I got you something, too,” he replied. “Something that sparkles.”

  She lifted her head. “Not a diamond,” she said. “Not that, not when you’re already tied in knots financially, I couldn’t bear it.”

  He traced her lower lip with a finger that wasn’t quite steady. “Thanks to you, Mrs. Donavan, I’m not tied in knots financially. With the time you’ve bought me, I’ll fight my way out.”

  “That isn’t what you said when you left.”

  “Of course not,” he sighed. His voice was husky. He drew in a slow, unsteady breath. “My God, I’ve learned whole volumes about forgiveness in the past few days. I’ve learned things about my mother and my father that make me sick with shame.”

  “You’ve learned that people are human, that’s all,” she said gently. “And that there are always reasons for the way they behave. Sometimes you have to dig very deep to find them. But they’re always there.”

  “How did you learn so much, so young?” he asked after a minute.

  She nuzzled her face against his hard chest. “I had you to practice on,” she whispered. “You were a hard case, but eventually I wormed my way into your arms.”

  His arms contracted. “Did you really want that so badly?”

  “With all my heart.” She sighed contentedly. “I’m sorry I complicated things for you, Jason. Maybe it would have been better if I’d never let you touch me in the first place.”

  “
And give up all those sweet memories?” he whispered softly. “God forbid.”

  “They aren’t all sweet.”

  “Is life?” He tilted her face up to his. “Don’t leave me,” he said tautly. “Don’t give up on me, Kate.”

  “Oh, how could I?” she whispered tearfully. “I love you so much!”

  He felt humble. She still loved him. He hadn’t killed it after all, even with his bad temper and abrupt departure, thank God. He drew her tenderly against him and rocked her. His body trembled with need, but he banked down the fires. Kate needed tenderness now, and she was going to get it. He was going to prove to her that she was his life.

  “You’d better go back downstairs, hadn’t you?” she asked after a minute, although she hated to let him go. “I want to get this robe sewn. It won’t take long, and I won’t get tired.”

  He let her go, reluctantly. His dark eyes searched hers. “Okay.” He turned toward the door and stopped at the facing. “Sleep tight, honey,” he said, glancing back.

  She started to speak, but she bit her lower lip. She wanted to sleep with him, but she couldn’t quite get the words out. “You, too,” she said instead.

  He nodded, and after a minute, he went back downstairs and settled into a chair to listen to his mother talk about the long years they’d all been parted.

  When it was bedtime, Kate rejoined them, looking a little worn, but smiling.

  “Can I help you upstairs, Mama Donavan?” she asked. “We’ve got a lovely guest room. All pink and carpeted, with a canopied bed.”

  “Such finery,” Mrs. Donavan laughed. “You’ll spoil me.”

  “That isn’t likely,” Kate said gently, taking the thin hand to help the older woman up. “You aren’t the kind of person who ever demands anything.”

  “Neither are you,” Mrs. Donavan shot back, smiling. “All right, then, point me toward the staircase and watch me shoot up it.”

  Gene and Cherry said their good nights, and Jason kissed his mother’s cheek before Kate followed her up the staircase.

  She settled Mrs. Donavan in the guest room, which was where Kate herself usually slept.

  “Thank you, sweetheart,” Nell Donavan said gently when she was in her long flannel gown and tucked up under the covers. Kate had shown her where the bathroom was and made a row of chairs to it, so that the older woman could feel her way there in the night if she needed to. “I’ll be fine.”

  “It’s good to have you here,” Kate said, and meant it. “It’s even better to see you and Jason speaking. He’s different since he went to find you.”

  “I can sense that,” Nell said quietly. “I’ve heard only a little of what his life was like, Kate, but I think I’d go mad if I knew it all. The sad thing is that J.B. was the kindest man I ever knew—when he wasn’t drinking. But alcohol got a hold on him when grief came, and he couldn’t shake it. I tried, but I wasn’t strong enough to help him.”

  “That’s nobody’s fault, you know,” Kate replied. “None of us are perfect. We do as we’re able. That’s the best we can hope for.”

  “You’re very old for your age,” Nell said. She smiled secretly. “Have you told Jason about the baby?”

  Kate blinked. “I’m not sure that I’m pregnant,” she faltered, fascinated by the older woman’s uncanny perception.

  “Oh, I have a feeling that you are. I’ve developed a rather startling kind of sensitivity since I’ve been sightless. I don’t understand it, but it helps to make up for not being able to see,” she added. “You love him very much, don’t you?”

  “With all my heart. I can’t remember when I didn’t love him.”

  “Do you know how he feels?” Nell asked with a faint smile.

  “He wants me,” Kate said bluntly.

  “I think you’ll find it’s a good deal more than that,” she said, sighing as she closed her eyes. “Sleep well, my dear. I’m glad we have a chance to get to know each other. I seem to have been alone for a very long time. Perhaps I deserved to be. But it’s nice to have a family again.”

  “I hope you’ll stay,” Kate said softly.

  Mrs. Donavan smiled. “For a little while. But you see, I have friends in Tucson, Kate. People my age, whom I’ve known for a long time. They’re all the family I’ve had, and Tucson is home. Eventually, I’ll want to go back. But by then, I hope we’ll be good friends, and that you’ll visit me with Jason.”

  “That will be delightful. We’ll bring your grandchildren with us.”

  “I thought I’d never have that kind of pleasure,” Nell confessed. She stared up at the canopy with sad eyes. “We expect so much from life. And sometimes, we get so little. It’s important to appreciate what we have.” She turned her head. “I think Jason has it wrong. I think you want him far more than you want fame. If you do, tell him so now. Don’t let him go, Kate. He needs you more than he realizes.”

  “I’m not about to let him go, Mama Donavan,” she replied gently. “Now you go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Yes. Good night.”

  “Good night.”

  Kate closed the door with a sigh, turning out the light on the way. The hall was quiet and deserted, only the wall sconces providing enough gleam for safe walking.

  She turned down the hall. She’d only gone about five steps when Jason appeared in his doorway, watching her, with a smoking cigarette in one hand.

  “Where did you plan to sleep?” he asked softly. “The guest room has the only made-up bed, except for mine.”

  She moved closer, until she was close enough to feel the heat from his body, smell the thin smoke from his cigarette. “I guess I can sleep on the sofa….”

  “Won’t you be uncomfortable?”

  She smiled. “Yes.”

  “Want to sleep with me?” he asked hesitantly. “Just sleep,” he added, so that she wouldn’t get the wrong idea. “It’s a big bed.”

  “Okay.” She stopped. “My gown is in the guest room,” she said, hesitating. She’d been sleeping there since he left, but Mama Donavan was in it now.

  “You can have one of my pajama jackets,” he offered. “I never use them.”

  “Thank you.”

  He closed the door behind them and searched through his chest of drawers, tossing her a pale blue silk jacket. “How’s that?”

  “Fine,” she said. She hesitated, framed in the soft glow of the bedside lamp. This was ridiculous. They were married, weren’t they?

  With a resigned sigh, she took off her clothes and as she shed the bra, she noticed his dark eyes blatantly on her swollen breasts, the tips darker than usual, bigger.

  And because of the way he was looking at her, with something like reverence, she turned slowly toward him, to let him see. Her lips parted on a rough breath at the intent, hungry expression on his face as he let his eyes caress her boldly.

  “You’re beautiful, Kate,” he said quietly. “Every inch of you.”

  “I’m very swollen,” she whispered.

  “Isn’t that natural, for your condition?” he whispered back.

  “You knew…when I was talking about not telling you if I ever got pregnant again,” she said, shocked.

  He nodded, smiling gently. “Sheila mentioned it to Gene. But I knew you’d tell me in your own good time. I guess that’s what you’re doing right now. I remember what your body looked like when you were pregnant before. I recognize those subtle changes.”

  “I’ll get fat,” she breathed. “I’ll look like a pumpkin with arms.”

  “Yes.” He moved closer, his hands slow and exquisitely gentle as they touched her, cupping the tender weight of her breasts. “I’ll take good care of you.”

  “Haven’t you always, in spite of everything?” she mused. She held his hands to her body, loving their rough strength. “I haven’t been to the doctor. But I’m almost sure,” she whispered, pulling his hands closer. “Are you glad?” she asked, looking up with her heart in her soft green eyes.

  “Yes, I’m glad,�
� he whispered. He bent, lifting her clear off the floor. He carried her the few steps to the bed and laid her down, stretching out beside her. “Don’t worry,” he said, his voice like velvet. “I won’t risk this baby. I just want to hold you.”

  She smiled up at him, loving him with her eyes as he touched her body with tender, patient hands. “Oh, Jason, if I die tomorrow, I won’t care now.”

  “You said that once before,” he reminded her. His mouth touched warm, bare skin, making her jerk suddenly with warm pleasure. “Hmmmm,” he mused, “I like this, too. I like the very taste of your skin, and you like my mouth on you, don’t you?”

  “Blackguard,” she breathed huskily, gasping when he did it again.

  “That’s no way to talk to your husband,” he mused. He arched over her, his dark eyes smiling down into hers. “I want a son.”

  “You may get a daughter.”

  “I’ll divorce you if I don’t get a son,” he threatened at her parted lips.

  “No, you won’t,” she laughed. “You’ll spoil her rotten and then blame me when she gets out of hand.”

  “I probably will.” He lifted his head and searched her eyes quietly. “I’ll love any child you give me,” he said softly. “But not half as much as I’ll love his mother. Not a fraction as much as I love you, tidbit,” he breathed, bending.

  The words went into her mouth as his covered it with aching tenderness and soft hunger. He moved down, his chest rubbing gently against her breasts, and he reached between them suddenly to pull his shirt out of the way so that he could feel her softness against his bare chest.

  Kate wondered if she’d heard him, or if she was dreaming. It sounded so unreal to hear him say that he loved her. But it felt as though he meant it.

  “Did you hear me?” he whispered against her eager lips. “I said I love you.”

  “I didn’t think…I heard you properly.” She looked up at him. “Do you, Jason? Really?”

  “With all my heart. My mind. My body. Every part of me.” He kissed her roughly, feeling her lips part and beg for his. “God, I want you. I need you…!”

  She softened under him, her hips liquid, soft moving and arousing. He groaned at the blatant seduction of them, and she smiled under his mouth.