To Have and to Hold Read online

  To Have and To Hold

  ✥

  Diana Palmer

  REAWAKENING

  Nothing ever rattled Madeline...nothing, that is until she met her mysterious new neighbor. Cal, an older man, arrogant and dangerously handsome, managed to turn Madeline's well-ordered world upside down. At first she despised him, but then was shocked to discover that he was the first person she could love since the tragic death of her fiance. But was Cal the man he seemed to be? Had Madeline's love been reawakened by a lie?

  A RUDE AWAKENING....

  He leaned forward, and she felt his lips press slowly, warmly, fiercely against her forehead, his hands coming forward to hold her shoulders in a vice-like grip. Did I go too far with you tonight; is that it? Or did I make you wake up and see that you great love affair was as lukewarm as a baby's milk?" he growled.

  "That's unfair!"

  "No it isn't, he held her away and looked down into her mutinous eyes. "Or don't you remember who called a halt when we were on the couch?"

  Her lower lip trembled. "You brute!"

  "I'm that all right. My God, I must have been out of my mind tonight," he breathed roughly. "I never stooped to cradle robbing before."

  "I'm not a child!" All the anger went out of her, all the love she was trying so hard to submerge came back with killing force. She reached up and touched his dark hair, which in the moonlight seemed to have more silver than usual. "And you're not an old man, for all your best attempts to convince me you are....

  A MacFadden Romance

  Kim Publishing Corp.

  432 Park Avenue South New York, N.Y. 10016

  Copyright @ 1979 by Kim Publishing Corp. All rights reserved.

  Published by arrangement with the author.

  Printed in the United States of America.

  ISBN: 0-89772-166-7

  Chapter 1

  Madeline heard the bustle of the other girls gathering up purses and sweaters, slamming desk drawers, covering typewriters, and she smiled to herself as she finished typing a letter. It was Friday, and she didn't blame them for hurrying. Most of them were barely out of their teens, and had boyfriends. Friday night meant dinner and a show to them.

  But for Madeline Blainn, it meant a steak for one seared on the brick charcoal grill behind her spacious suburban home. At twenty-four, she was a career woman in every sense of the word. Tall, slender, a clotheshorse, she was the envy of her friends, not only for her loveliness, but for her poise as well. Nothing ever rattled Madeline. Not the nervous assistant who handled the home office in Atlanta for her mysterious ever-absent new boss. Not the bustle of high finance or the screaming pace of dictation and phone calls that went with it. Not even the disagreements that were legion among the girls in the other offices. Nothing ever rattled Madeline.

  "Going home tonight?" Brenda teased with a smile as she stopped in the doorway on her way out.

  Madeline shrugged her shoulders and gave her friend an easy smile, her dark eyes quiet. "Two more letters to go. Mr. Richards said he was to have them out today—McCallum's orders," she added with mock solemnity, and brushed away a stand of auburn hair that curled rebelliously at her eye.

  "Oh, yes, Mr. Mystery," Brenda laughed. "You'd think he'd drop in on his own company once in a while, wouldn't you? Have you ever seen him at all?"

  Madeline shook her head. "Not even once. Of course," she added mischievously, "I was just across the way with the peons until that promotion two months ago. This building is strictly for the company brass, so it isn't likely that I'd have seen E.F. McCallum in person." She frowned. "I wonder what the E.F. stands for? Ever Faithful? Evenly Fried?"

  "How about Eccentric Fiend?" Brenda suggested. "After all, they say he is relentless when it comes to business. You wouldn't know about that, of course; you only know about the big boss through Mr. Richards." She sighed. "Dear old Mr. Richards."

  Madeline eyes her. "He's a very nice man until something goes wrong."

  "Something always goes wrong," her friend encountered.

  "He never yells when one of us is out sick," she returned doggedly.

  Brenda shook her head. "You'll find at least one nice thing to say about the devil, wouldn't you, dear? Don't you ever wonder what McCallum looks like?" she asked suddenly.

  "Yes. But I think I know why nobody ever sees him," she said with a taciturn expression.

  "Why?"

  "I'll bet he's got terminal acne," Madeline said, "and only goes out with his head in the hood. Or maybe he's so short and wizened that...."

  "I've heard all this before. Have a nice weekend, bye!" And Brenda was gone like a small whirlwind.

  With a sigh, Madeline finished her letters and signed them with McCallum's name and her initials. They'd still have to be okayed through Mr. Richards, in spite of the fact that she was technically answerable to McCallum only. But, she reasoned, how could she be answerable to a phantom?

  She held out a letter and studied the name with a slight frown. What, she wondered, was E.F. McCallum like? Was he tall, short, old, young? He might have walked through her former office a dozen times, and she'd never known who he was. She'd never even seen a picture of him, because rumor had it that he'd been known to break cameras that were poked in his face. Another argument, she thought wickedly, in favor of the terminal acne theory....

  Of course, she reminded herself, McCallum was the head of a dozen corporations just like this one, and probably in each of the international offices he had a man just like Mr. Richards who held the reins of control. But why couldn't he, just once a year or so, stop in to review the troops an d let himself be seen? There were always rumors, of course. This month's favorite was that he had a mistress in France and spent the majority of his time in the Paris office for that reason. But there were just as many counter rumors linking him with women all over the world. Nobody really knew McCallum.

  Of course, there was the usual bonus every Christmas with his personally signed and much duplicated note of thanks. There was a Christmas card, a very fancy one, with his signature engraved in gold leaf. There was a small gift for each of his personal staff, but no personal contact. Ever.

  Perhaps it was just as well, Madeline thought as she finished stuffing the envelopes and stamped them. The mystery had its own delight, and if she wanted to pretend that her never-seen boss was the image of Clark Gable, that was nobody's business. Anyway, a man in a dream was ever so much safer than a real one. After Philip....

  She gathered her sweater and purse and went home.

  ❧

  As she pulled into the long driveway of the suburban house her aunt had willed her, she glanced next door and saw that the workmen were still busy on the patio and swimming pool which were being added to it. The familiar red Jaguar and the familiar blonde, however, were missing. There was a very sedate black Mercedes in the driveway.

  The blonde had been a landmark to the neighbors for two years or more. Why a woman of such obvious wealth chose to make her home in this middle-class neighborhood was the subject of much speculation. She never mixed with the neighbors or had anything at all to do with them. Probably, Madeline thought, she was simply too busy for it—which was a kinder sentiment than most of the other residents aired. The majority's opinion was that she was some rich man's mistress. Of course, there were rarely any visitors who stayed overnight; and even then, the cars were always different, and, Madeline told herself, nobody, not even the super rich came in a new and different luxury car every time.

  Dismissing the puzzle, she parked her small economy car under the carport, locked it, and went into the comfortable split-level house that had been the last home of her aunt and uncle. It was really a bigger house than she needed, but it had been home for a number of years
now, and she liked the seclusion of the nearby woods, the little stream that ran through the property, and the garden spot to grow things in. Besides, it was a pleasant neighborhood with pleasant people who, thank God, minded their own business and left each other alone. Madeline liked the privacy of it. The tall hedge between her and the blonde was as good as a stone wall, and there was nothing but a small forest of fruit trees on the other side of the house. Trees in the yard sheltered her from the road. It was like a country home although it was just minutes from the sprawling office complex where she worked. And she loved it.

  As she walked into the living room, with its clutter of patchwork cushions and earth colors in the furnishings, she saw Sultana stretched lazily on the brown upholstery of the couch, where she had no business being. With a laugh, Madeline swept the lean, long Siamese cat up in her arms.

  "You bad cat," she chided, watching the crossed blue eyes stare unblinkingly back at her from the smoky gray face in startling contrast to the snowy white that surrounded her points. "You know you don't belong on the couch. Come here and I'll feed you."

  She put the young feline on the floor, and Sultana followed her into the kitchen chattering noisely in a voice that sounded like a cross between a squalling baby and a Model-T Ford that couldn't quite crank.

  "Noisy, aren't you?" Madeline laughed. "I don't know why I bother talking to you, Cabbage, when I don't speak Siamese any better than you understand English."

  Sultana was the name on the cat's papers, but Cabbage she had become when she ate a chunk of it that Madeline was shredding for slaw. She'd read somewhere about cats having three names—one for special occasions, one for everyday, and one that was secret. It seemed to be true. The secret one was probably only to Sultana, too.

  Sultana Cabbage made a loud remark as she settled down in front of her bowl. Madeline left her there and went to change clothes, still vaguely curious about that third name.

  Minutes later, in a pair of beige slacks with a beige and white cotton knit blouse, she started a fire in the charcoal grill in the back yard. It was early summer, and the afternoons were warm and pleasant. Madeline loved to eat out on the picnic table and listen to the crickets and June bugs harmonizing in the woods. Especially after a day like today.

  She pulled a thick steak from the refrigerator, slapped it on a platter and sliced an onion on top of it.

  "I've been looking forward to this all day," she told Cabbage. "Sorry, girl, but it just isn't enough for both of us, and I'm not sharing it."

  If cats could grimace, the Siamese did, and gave her what really looked like a I-hope-you-drop-it look.

  Madeline went out the back door without paying much attention to her immediate surroundings. The fragrance of blooming shrubs and flowers was everywhere. The sun was low on the horizon, the skies were streaked with red and gold. It was, she sighed, such a beautiful afternoon. Her mind was on that beauty and that luscious steak she was about to cook, and she didn't think about company. That was why she hadn't noticed the large black Dobermann Pinscher who was walking slightly behind her, sniffing the air and licking his lips.

  Seconds later, lying on her back in the grass, staring up into the sharp, white teeth that were grinding up her thick, red steak, it was impossible not to notice him any more. He was standing on her stomach with his front paws, and he felt like two bags of wet cement.

  Her eyes like saucers, the fear making her mouth dry, she gasped up at him breathlessly, wondering if the steak was going to fill up such a large dog. She felt like a large slab of fresh meat, and it was all she could do to make noise come out of her throat.

  "N—nice puppy," she choked in a loud whisper, as the wolfed down the last tidbit of steak and licked his jowls noisely. "Oh, nnnnice p—puppy! Wouldn't you like to go run it off now, puppy, hmmmm?" she managed.

  "Puppy? My God, are you blind?" came a rough, decidedly masculine voice from above her head. "Suleiman, down, you damned glutton! Down!"

  The note of no-nonsense authority in that deep, impatient voice moved the dog immediately. Even Madeline responded to it, getting to her feet with a speed and grace that were a credit to her ballet training.

  "Are you hurt?" the voice demanded in a tone that said she'd better not be.

  She looked into the face that went with the voice and felt as if she'd been slammed in the stomach with a mallet.

  She was five foot seven in her stocking feet, but he still dwarfed her. His leonine face was hard and uncompromising and was topped by waving dark hair threaded with silver. He had to be close to forty, but there was not an ounce of flab on that athlete's body. He was all muscle, from the powerful legs in dark slacks to the massive chest and shoulders encased in a spotless white shirt. He was watching her through slitted eyes, eyes so deep-set and narrow she couldn't even tell their color.

  "Will you answer me, damn it, or are you dumb as well?" he growled.

  Her dark eyes flashed fire at him, and she pushed back her disheveled auburn hair with a hand that trembled despite her attempt at poise.

  "The only dumb thing I did," she said in a voice like a straight razor, "was walk out that door unarmed! Tomorrow, so help me, I'll bring a shotgun!"

  Something glittered in those narrow eyes, although his face was as hard as a stone wall. He studied her as if she were new breed of animal, quietly, insolently.

  "Well, that's the first time I've ever known Burgundy to pack a punch," he said, his eyes on her hair that was dancing with fiery lights in the late-afternoon glow. "I'm not used to women who fight instead of flirt."

  She didn't doubt it. He was attractive, in a rugged, dark sort of way. But years older than men she was used to, and far too domineering.

  "Are you and your horse," she indicated the dog, who was now sitting on his haunches at the man's feet, "visiting around here?" she asked hotly.

  "In a sense," he replied. "Bess is in Europe and, I'm acting as caretaker until she gets back. My apartment's being redone."

  "Bess?" The name didn't ring any bells.

  "Bess," he said impatiently, gesturing toward the high hedge.

  Oh, lord, the blonde! A friend of his, no doubt, and judging by the wear on the clothes he had on, he needed some friends. The collar of the shirt was slightly frayed.

  Her eyes went to her own clothes. There were two massive pawprints on the once-white slacks. She glared at him. "May I express the sincere wish that her absence is short-lived?" she asked testily. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get out of these clothes and finish what I started—my supper! Not that I had more than the one steak, but maybe I can find a moldy piece of bacon in the refrigerator!"

  One dark eyebrow went up. "Is that a subtle hint that I owe you a meal?" he asked narrowly.

  "It isn't subtle, and it isn't a hint," she fired back. "Your four-legged garbage can ate my steak!"

  "If you didn't expect him to," he said, "why did you leave the gate in the hedge open so that he could come through it?"

  Her eyes widened as if they meant to pop. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You think I left it open deliberately?" she gasped.

  "Why not?" he returned, one big hand jammed in his pocket. His dark eyes studied her slender figure insolently, boldly with a practiced deliberation that made her blood riot in her veins. "But you're wasting your time," he added. "I like my women fuller around the...."

  "How dare you?" she choked furiously.

  He snapped his fingers, and the big dog immediately came to heel. "Kindly keep that gate closed in future and turn your attentions in some other direction. I've got all the women I need, and I don't like such obvious tactics."

  "You...you..." she sought wildly for just the right word. "...Yankee"! she finished desperately, her face flushed, her hair and eyes wild.

  "Me?" He shrugged. "I was raised in Miami." He started toward the gate. "I don't want to have to follow my dog over here again. Ever," he added with a cold flick of a glare.

  Her fists clenched at her sides. "If you do
," she replied harshly, "wear armor!"

  But he wasn't even listening; his broad back insolent and uncaring was turned to her. With a muffled cry of anger, she turned and marched back into the house, slamming the door behind her with all her might. Her only comfort was that her co-workers couldn't see her. The unflappable Miss Blainn was definitely flapped.

  Chapter 2

  The black Mercedes was gone the next morning, and it didn't reappear until Monday, much to Madeline's relief. It had been an eventless weekend, and a lonely one, and it had been marred by the unpleasantness of its beginning.

  As Madeline got into her own car to start out to work, she mentally cursed a fate that had made her only close neighbor such a barracuda. Why couldn't he have been some nice old retired man with a....

  She was backing out of the driveway as she was thinking, and the sudden metallic thud that brought her small car to a screaming halt shook her. Trembling, she glanced in the rear-view mirror to see the black Mercedes stopping and its door opening.

  Her eyes closed momentarily as she opened her on door. Why me, Lord? she wondered silently as the stormy, taciturn giant came toward her with narrowed, glittering eyes.

  "How many driver's license inspectors did you have to get drunk before you talked them into giving you a license?" he asked shortly. "My God, do you drive with your eyes closed?"

  Her lips made a thin line. She looked up at him, and it was a long way even in her two-inch heels. "Only when I'm backing over my neighbors," she replied tightly. "Sorry I missed."

  He glared down at her. "What you need, young woman, are some manuals on safe driving."

  "What you need, old man," she countered, "are some tips on how to behave like a gentleman." Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "Oh, excuse me, now I remember, I'm only doing it to attract your attention, isn't that so?" She smiled sweetly. "Next time, I'll wear a bikini when I back into you. Sorry I don't have time to bat my eyelashes at you any more, but I'll be 1 ate for work. You'll send me a bill for the damages, I'm sure."