Mercenary's Woman ; Outlawed! Read online

  And what claim did she have on Carlo?

  She’d judged him and pushed him away. She’d been so harsh, refusing to accept his apologies even when he was so kind to her and Mercy. And then that horrible experience at the pond. Even now she remembered the terror she’d felt, thinking Mercy might have been drowned or kidnapped. And she remembered the sternness in Carlo’s voice as he’d called everyone into action, worked to solve the problem, while Fern had fallen apart.

  Now he was settling into the bosom of his family, and rightly so. He’d find another woman, someone who was outgoing and more motherly, someone who wouldn’t let a child get lost, wouldn’t pass judgment, wouldn’t act shy.

  And Fern would go on alone.

  She’d lost it all.

  She let her face sink into her hands, and in the despair of an aloneness she’d created for herself, she cried out to God.

  * * *

  “ISN’T THAT FERN’S car?” Troy said to Carlo an hour later. They were walking out to the kennels to get puppies for the kids to play with, having decided that Brownie and her pup needed to stay sequestered from the overenthusiastic kids.

  Carlo glanced over, and just seeing her little subcompact stabbed him in the gut. “What’s she doing at the bunkhouse?”

  Troy shrugged. “You should go see.”

  Longing tugged at Carlo’s heart, but he tamped it down and shook his head. “She doesn’t want me anywhere around.” He was trying to accept that no meant no, but it wasn’t easy.

  They walked to the kennel, where the silence between them was broken with loud barking. Troy grabbed a couple of leads and opened a kennel. “Leash up those two,” he said, “and I’ll get a couple more. We need sturdy pups for this crew.”

  As they brought the excited dogs to the house, Troy spoke up. “Seemed as if you and Fern had some feelings for each other. Might be worth a second try.” He cleared his throat. “I’m not much on talking about my faith, but the second chance God gave me and Angelica has meant the world to me.”

  Carlo thought about that as he opened the front door and held it for Troy, laden down with a crate of three yipping pups. Could he open himself up to more rejection from Fern? And where was the line between hope and harassment, when she’d already given him a clear no?

  “Daddy!” Mercy ran to him, hugged his leg and then squatted down to pet the dogs he’d brought in.

  Troy met his eyes over the crate. “Might mean the world to her, too,” he said quietly, nodding down at Mercy. “This back and forth from one house to the other can’t be easy on her.”

  That was for sure. It wasn’t easy on any of them. “I’ll give that some thought,” Carlo promised.

  * * *

  FERN DIDN’T KNOW how long she wrestled with herself, tears running down her face, praying for forgiveness.

  Finally, the setting sun cast its rays through the bunkhouse windows, and she lifted her eyes to see God’s glory painted across the sky in pink and purple and orange. At the same moment, she felt warmth and love embracing her.

  Her heavenly father seemed to speak through the sunset, expressing His extravagant love for her. Forgiving her the faults that a childhood tainted by human sin had wrought in her. Offering the hope that she could learn, could grow, could love.

  She wiped her eyes and let the forgiveness wash over her, soothing some of the heartache and loss.

  A knock on the bunkhouse door had her blowing her nose and wiping her eyes again, running her hands over her hair.

  “Fern! Are you in there? It’s Daisy and Susan. We stopped in to wish Xavier a happy birthday and saw your car.”

  She drew a deep breath, waited for her usual antisocial desire to shoo away human contact. But it didn’t come. She actually wanted to see them. She hurried to the door and opened it.

  “You’ve been crying!”

  “What’s wrong, honey?”

  They wrapped her in hugs and worried questions, and soon all three of them were sitting at the bunkhouse’s small dining table, drinking from juice boxes that were the only thing they’d found in the refrigerator.

  “Did anyone check the expiration on these?” Susan asked, studying her box.

  “They’re full of preservatives. It’s fine.” Daisy waved a hand. “Fern. Are you going to tell us what’s going on?”

  “I’m just emotional about leaving Mercy overnight, that’s all.” Fern looked at her friends’ skeptical faces and added, “Mostly.”

  Susan smiled sympathetically. “Get used to it. As a single mom, you’ve got to embrace time to yourself when you can find it. In fact, once you start dating, I’ll gladly take a turn at babysitting.”

  “Me, too,” Daisy said. “We’re like the best babysitters in town.”

  “Because we love kids and I, for one, am never gonna have kids of my own.”

  “Me, either,” Daisy said.

  Susan nudged her. “Don’t be too sure. With the vibes I’m feeling between you and Dion, I’m thinking you might have yourself a white picket fence and a couple sweet little babies before you turn thirty.”

  “Susan!” Daisy’s fair skin went pink. “That is so not happening.”

  Fern’s memory conjured up the speedy way Daisy had contacted the handsome African-American police chief and how they’d shared a spontaneous hug when Carlo had come rushing across the frozen pond carrying Mercedes.

  Daisy cleared her throat. “Change of subject. You heard that Carlo needs to adjust the schedule for Mercy’s care, huh?” Her voice was businesslike as she switched into full social worker mode.

  Fern could understand wanting to keep your personal life to yourself. “Yeah, only I don’t quite understand what happened. When’s the custody hearing?”

  “Um, unless there’s a problem, there’s not going to be one.”

  Fern frowned at Daisy. “Why not?”

  “Didn’t he tell you he’s not fighting for sole custody anymore? That he wants to do joint custody?”

  “Nooo,” Fern said as her world spun.

  “You’re kidding.” Daisy stared at her, then slapped her own forehead. “I’m so sorry, Fern. I should have told you, but I assumed that the two of you had talked it through. All we need to do is finalize the arrangements, figure out what days she’s with you and what days she’s with Carlo. In fact, I have papers for you to sign back at the office, if you’re game.”

  Fern stared at the other woman, stunned. “You mean,” she said faintly, “I can still be Mercedes’s mom?”

  “Yes! Yes! Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”

  Fern buried her face in her hands, overwhelmed. Just like that, she was back to being Mercedes’s mom. She had everything she’d hoped for. Only...

  She felt a hand gently rubbing her shoulders from one side, and heard Daisy slide her chair over from the other. She looked up to see both women leaning toward her, concerned expressions on their faces.

  “Are you okay?” Susan asked. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

  She nodded quickly, blinking back tears. “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I get to mother that wonderful child. Even after I screwed up so bad at skating.”

  Daisy patted her arm. “That could’ve happened to anyone. You’re a wonderful mom, Fern. You and Mercedes will be great for each other long-term. I’m so happy it turned out this way.”

  “Is it going to be weird,” Susan asked, “working out joint custody with Carlo when you weren’t even married to him?”

  Fern nodded. “Yeah, especially when we’re...basically not speaking to each other.”

  Susan gave her a hard look. “Does that bother you?”

  “Well, of course it does.” She opened her mouth to say something about communication being important for Mercedes’s sake, but what came out was different. “I like him. A lot.”

  Susan lifted an eyebrow. “As in
like like?”

  “I’m not totally surprised,” Daisy said. “You should let him know how you feel.”

  Fern heaved a sigh. “Easier said than done. He’s just so nice. He’d do anything for Mercedes, but... I wish he liked me for me, you know?”

  Daisy and Susan exchanged glances.

  “It’ll never happen,” Fern said to forestall a pep talk. “I’m just not the type of woman men go for. And someone like Carlo, all handsome and hunky and kind? There’s no way.” As she said it, a heavy weight seemed to settle atop her heart.

  Susan looked at Daisy. “Chatterbox?”

  “It’s two-for-one appetizers tonight,” Daisy said.

  “Come on, Fern,” Susan said, reaching for Fern’s hands and pulling her up out of her chair. “This calls for a lot more girl talk.”

  “Yeah,” Daisy added, patting Fern’s shoulder and then slipping into her coat. “Let’s go get some dinner. It’s five thirty and still a little bit light out. Spring’s only a heartbeat away.”

  “The Chatterbox’s fried zucchini will make everything better,” Susan said.

  But as she walked out of the bunkhouse with Susan on one side and Daisy on the other, Fern’s heart ached.

  She had Mercedes. She had friends. Life should be good.

  But she didn’t have Carlo. And wouldn’t. Not ever. “I’m going to have to take a rain check, guys,” she said.

  Daisy eyed her sharply. “You going to be okay?”

  Fern nodded. “I think... I just need a little time alone.” And not just alone; she needed time with the Lord.

  * * *

  CARLO AND ANGELICA were sitting at the kitchen table the next morning when a car door slammed outside.

  Troy, spatula in hand, stepped from the stove to look out the window. “It’s Fern,” he said.

  In the cool of the slightly drafty kitchen, Carlo started to sweat. He was about to do one of the hardest things he’d ever done in his life.

  Fern knocked on the kitchen door and then opened it, sticking her head in. “Hey,” she said with just a trace of librarian shyness.

  Carlo’s heart constricted at the sight of her. She looked stressed, as though she’d been crying. The fact that he’d caused more than some of that stress bit at him.

  At least now he knew he was going to alleviate it.

  Inside, she accepted hugs from Troy and Angelica and peppered them with questions about how Mercy had done and how they’d survived the party. She was coming out of her shell, and he knew without a doubt that every unattached guy in Rescue River would want her. What would it be like if she started seeing other guys? If she found someone special to be with, to help her raise Mercy?

  The very thought made him nauseated.

  “Sit down, I’ll fix you some pancakes,” Troy said. “You’ll need your strength for the rest of the day. The kids didn’t get much sleep last night.”

  “Aw, thanks, but I’m not hungry. Where are the kids anyway?”

  “They’re watching the end of a movie.” Angelica lifted her hands in apology. “Sorry, I know you don’t let Mercy watch much TV—”

  “No problem! I totally understand.” She turned to Carlo. “We need to talk,” she said.

  Dimly he wondered what she had to say to him, but whatever it was, it couldn’t be as world changing as what he had to say to her. If she was going to tell him he was around too much, that he needed to back off, or that she’d decided to sue for full custody... Well, he could trump that.

  Oblivious of the undercurrents, Troy flipped pancakes like a short-order cook. “So, Fern, what have you been up to?”

  She shrugged, smiled at the man. “Actually, I’ve been writing and painting like crazy.”

  “That’s so cool,” Angelica said. “Our local librarian is going to be famous!”

  She blushed and shook her head. “I doubt that, but it helps me to think.”

  “Did you hear about Carlo’s new job?” Angelica asked. “Tell her, bro!”

  Fern looked surprised and interested. “Where? Doing what?”

  “A nonprofit that helps some of the migrant families,” he said quickly, wanting to get the unimportant stuff over with. “They needed a Spanish speaker, someone with field experience in the country. I start next week.” He looked over at his sister, his stomach churning. “Would you mind if we went for a little walk?”

  “Go for it. Troy and I will finish cooking, and the kids are content here with the dogs.” She gave him a tiny grin and a subtle thumbs-up.

  Whatever that meant.

  So they headed out the door and into the snowy countryside. The sky was a brilliant blue, and long icicles dripped from the eaves of the barn. In the distance, a farm truck chugged down the highway.

  It was as good a time as any. “I’ve been thinking about something—”

  “I’ve made a decision—” she said at the same time.

  They both laughed, awkwardly. “You first,” she said.

  He swallowed. “Okay. Fern, I’ve gone over and over this situation with Mercy. I’ve thought about it and prayed about it and I can only think of one thing that’s really best, best for both of you.” He paused, his heart hurting, and then forced the words out. “You should take her full-time.”

  She’d opened her mouth to speak, but with her words, her jaw dropped open and stayed that way a good few seconds.

  He rushed on, wanting to get this over with. “It’s not right to have a child go back and forth between two houses. She’s happiest at your place, with her books and her cat and her stars on the ceiling. And with...with you, Fern. You’re the best mother a little girl could ever hope for, and I trust you completely with her.”

  She was still staring at him.

  Why wasn’t she saying anything? “Of course, I’d hope you would let me have visitation rights. I want to be in her life,” he said. “I mean, who am I kidding? I want to raise her. But for her sake—and for yours—I’ll gladly give that up.”

  Silence. He couldn’t interpret the look in her eyes. “What do you think?” he asked.

  “Carlo.” She took his hand in her smaller ones, staring up at him.

  Being this close to the woman he loved made him a little dizzy. “Yeah?”

  “You’ll never believe this, but... I was going to offer the same thing. I’ve been up all night, reading my Bible and thinking about it, and I realized that Mercy would do fine being with you full-time.”

  “But—”

  She stopped his protest with a finger to his lips. The touch was quick and soft, like the feather of a bird, but it took his breath away.

  She went on, her voice resolute. “You have a great family. I mean, look at all this.” She waved a hand, encompassing Troy and Angelica’s house and the rescue barn and the snowy fields around them. “But more than that, you’re a great dad. And, well, it’s time to think about what’s best for her, not for me.”

  He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He cocked his head to one side. “You’d sacrifice what you want for me and Mercy?” he asked.

  She nodded. “Once I got my head on straight, yeah. I would. It’s the only thing to do. When you care about someone, you want the best for them.”

  “That’s what I thought, too.”

  They were quiet for a minute, staring at each other. Around them, sunlight sparkled on snow.

  A chilly wind loosened a lock of hair from Fern’s red cap. He brushed it back with a finger, thinking he’d never seen anything so beautiful as her face. “What part of the Bible were you reading?”

  She cocked her head to one side. “King Solomon?”

  Of course. He nodded slowly. “It just doesn’t seem right to divide the living child in two, not when she has a perfectly wonderful mother and home.”

  “What happens,” she asked in a voice that was barely l
ouder than a whisper, “if both parties want to keep the child whole?”

  The question hung in the frosty air between them.

  Her bare hands looked cold, so he encased them in his larger ones. “I asked you before if you would marry me,” he said, “but you turned me down. Would you... Could you reconsider?”

  When she shook her head decisively, his heart sank.

  “No, Carlo,” she said, squeezing his hand, her eyes going shiny. “No! I just can’t. I can’t pretend about something as important as marriage.”

  “I wouldn’t be pretending,” he blurted out.

  Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline. “You wouldn’t?”

  He shook his head. “I think I fell for you the first night I saw you, taking such good care of a little girl I had no idea was mine, bringing me soup in a storm.” He smiled a little, remembering. “That feeling’s only grown over time, as I’ve gotten to know you. You had a bad start, Fern, just like I did, but you didn’t let it stop you from loving and helping and being part of the community.” He paused, unaccustomed to making such a long speech, but he felt as if his life and his future depended on it.

  The occasion demanded something else, too. He sank to his knees in the snow. “The fact that you’d be willing to give Mercy up, for her own good... That just seals it, Fern. You’re the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know you said no before, but do you care at all about me? Maybe even enough to marry me?”

  “For Mercy or for real?” she asked, her eyes wide and insecure.

  “For real.” He kissed her cold hands, each one, and then wrapped them together in his own larger ones. “Totally for real.” He held his breath.

  “Then...yes!” She sank down to her knees, facing him, as his heart soared. “Oh, Carlo!”

  He clasped her to him and felt that everything he’d ever dreamed of was right there in his arms.

  Moments later, she lifted her head. “Do you want to go tell Mercy?” she asked. “As her daddy, I think you should do the honors.”

  Carlo stood and pulled her to her feet. He tucked her under his arm and pressed her close to his side. “I think,” he said, “we should do it together.”